Gemini 18

to love

Written in the stars (elton john and leann rimes)
One day
Remember my name (intro)
Understand this
Beyond the lines
Words.That.Hurt
That man
Love ain't enough
Untitled
Goodbye


August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
July 2007
August 2007
October 2007






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That night again,
the demon came.
He came in a false pretence,
his name otherwise known as love.
His disguise baffled the onlookers,
his reasons never far away.
Together, they can easily
devour the remnants of my soul.
Make me pine, make me hope,
all for the sake of a release,
a catharsis that never comes.
Yet as I drowned in a pool of tears,
someone came up to me and said,
"Wake up boy,
wake up and find your way.
Don't care what the others think.
Care only what is right.
Care only what justifies.
Care only what will heal."
In the middle of the park,
I could hardly make out a figure,
his silhouette a burly one,
his voice yet a familiar one.
I knew then it was him.
He came back for me.
I know I can fall,
I know the world can desert me.
Everyone can shun away,
and not care.
But not him,
not his love.
His fatherly love to see me through,
against all odds,
thus shall rise.
It is strange,
when people around you,
are the people that aren't living
in my heart.
And no wonder they say,
love is eternal.
'cause even when he is not around.
Even when his body cease to exist,
his love will guide me;
Guide me all through,
the fragility of relationships,
the demons residing from within,
the love that is nonchalent.
Thank you.
And the demon dismissed.

It is like a quagmire;
the trap life has set upon him,
as he struggled with his sanity,
amidst the reasoning that he can never be well.
Yet bravely he shoulders on,
he knows his body can fall but never his soul.
"No way." No way.
He can never understand life's cruelty.
Nor its blindness in inflicting a child,
with reality so faraway from fantasy.
Perhaps though when everyone falls,
he can and will be the one standing.
Yet late in the night,
when everyone has returned to the shelters of the cushions,
he stares into the blankness of the sky.
Tears cloud his vision and shake his thoughts.
Tears harden his self and chases him away,
from the life he always wanted to have.
However, tears, signify not the drowning of this child;
rather, the belated awakening of the soul,
and arises the man from within.
That night, like any other night,
the demon came and took him away.
To a life of desires and wastes,
a path he nearly strayed into.
Yes, yes.
He can see it.
"That night he took me away,
was the night I remembered.
That life has plans for me I never know,
and plans so great,
not any man can do."
Yes, yes.
This is it.
Resignation.
Understanding.
That life is temporary, precious and always,
always,
cruel.
But never does hope fall,
'cause the future belongs to those,
who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

The passing of time,
doesnt just take away the innocence in us;
It too erases the magic that was once within us.

It was the seamless touch,
which let you know that once the tears dried up,
the pain would be brought away, too.

Yet now tears only display the helplessness of the situation,
it too only represents the hurt,
but never how deep the wound is.

It was also the building of illusion,
that love always is the centre of ideology,
the reason for existing.

Yet the knocking of realisation,
muddles the importance of love,
and brings with it delusions we indulge in.

Will we ever be able to bring back the smiles,
that resided in everyone of us,
when as bubbly kids we skidded down the slide?

Will we ever reignite the spark,
that made us believe once again in,
the power of love,
the magic within us?

"Hey boy, I know it hurts."
"Ya it does... it hurts so bad I don't know why. All i wanted is to be healthy, to be smart, to be everything that my parents will be proud of."
"But what is stopping you now?"
"The fact that I can't run about pretending I am well when I am not. It is a lie and it is not a lie that I can continue living with."
"And what do you plan to do next?"
"I don't know...(sobs)... I am so lost... I have never been so troubled in my life before. I can't live a life anymore...(sobs).."
"You need courage dear. And above all, you need strength and love to see you through."
"I know, but I can't, I just can't confide in anyone..."
"Confide in me. Confide in your great granny. Confide in your inner self, your inner strength, and they will see you through."
"I just wanted to be well... thats all... thats all.."
"I know it hurts. i know no one will understand. Yet it hurts because you no longer believe in Him. You no longer believe that no matter what problems there are, they are insignicant as compared to the strength of his child, who is all of us. That come what may, you will grow and defeat this fear."
"I cant..."
"Yes you can. Remember, the fact that you are put through this trial showed that you are the one who will be able to handle this. Don't give up on yourself. Above all, don't give up on Him. Don't give up on your dream which will aid thousands."
"Bless me dad, I know you are looking, listening. I won't fall. I won't."

With that, San Bei left in a mystical glow, his powers elevated the shrivering soul of mine.

He held her in his arms,
she could sense his helplessness.

Tonight he finally smelt,
the emaciated fragrance of love.
An aroma which had gone undercover,
taking shelter like a clover.
His hands were visibly shaken,
his eyes were readily reddened.
He could not ask for more,
he just wanted this moment.
A moment where a look in her eyes,
would suffice to last him a lifetime.
He was smarting from the pain,
hurting from its seemingly absence.
Yet tonight it reappeared,
he could hardly believe it.
He took one last look at her,
he knew his love would see her through.
Through a life destined to be full of happiness;
he was heading a path of realisation.
That his love for her would last them a lifetime,
that his love for her is never a matter of possession.

That his love, his love for her;
No man can ever come close,
no one can ever envisage,
no words can ever describe,
no place will ever allow.

Where once abundance of innocence resided,
silliness and desires now replace thus.
Where once parents seemed only a few steps away,
their presence we cannot stand even just a phone call away.
Where once happiness was intended to build for others,
happiness is now built upon others.
Where once a simple toy could last us a week,
a music player can only last us a couple of months.
Where once we are filled with angelic hearts,
demons have ran their rule upon us.
Where once love is without desires,
contemporary sexuality strays us from the true path.
Where once we believed in forever,
reality breeds temporariness.
Where once life was so much simpler,
complexities reside now in simplicities.
Where once we did not give a damn to how we looked,
dressing up becomes a way of deceiving.
Where once I could tell that you are my friend,
your face behind a facade I can't comprehend now.
Where once love was about joy,
love becomes a responsibility.
Where once I could dream of becoming everything I want,
my life is shaped by my inadequencies.
Where once I could turn to everyone,
I can only turn here now.
Where once I knew a real smile,
now I can't even understand you.

Where once we said we must,
now you say you might.

Slowly and silently,
it crept into our frantic lives.
Determined to leave us with memories,
those that would last us a lifetime.

We grew up in a world of innocence,
we were fed with dreamy fairytales.
We wanted to take the plunge,
we wanted to love like there was no tommorow.

Yet the rolling of the years,
makes us realise it is not just a four letter word.
It encompasses so much more,
it drives you high and makes you cry.

With love comes responsibility,
with love comes desires.
With love comes painful acknowledgements,
where is the purity of yesteryear?

Yet the tatters of the old,
the embedded scars left resided;
they drive me down a path,
a path that threatens to break us apart.

I wish to hold you again,
I wish to say the words that matter.
Yet I know I may not be able to hold on to you,
not when I can't hold on to my sanity.

Sometimes loving you is a contradictory route,
realisation pushes me to the cliffedge.
Loving may not be possessing,
loving can be surrendering.

Most importantly,
loving you is a way of healing my soul.
Yet if I unwillingly hurt yours at the end of the road,
can I, shall I, do I, still say
I love you?

I spent the whole night chasing the path of yesteryear.
Yet the streetlights only served to cast shadows on my hopes.

Our problems in this world can surely be huge,
but they are never as huge as God.
The issue is never how bad things are,
but how good God is.
Hope lies in having more faith in the power of God,
to heal us than in the power of anything to hurt us.
In realising that as children of God we are bigger than our problems,
we have the power at last to confront them.
For all manifestation of fear is a reflection of the fact that,
humanity has forgotten its spiritual identity.
In beginning to remember it,
we put fear on notice that its days are numbered.

It sounds very much an irony,
but the world looks more beautiful without my glasses on.
You can vaguely see the silhouette of passerbys;
rid off the makeups that disguise their vanity,
yet emitting the humanity that comes within.
The world shrinks to a place of walking figures,
seemingly where no one bothers how you look,
and relegates the ideology of vainglory to the rut.
Yet isnt it all the better more?
Too often we get caught up by how we look,
we criticize peoples' wrinkled face,
and plump greasy shape,
or even their messy hair,
but are we any better?
Are YOU any better?

An appearance is a deceit that fools the foolish,
behind the facade may hide a soul worth relish.

I glance at you but i don't know you,
I smell your fragrance but not your lies.
I see your tears but not the hurt,
I am your friend but I don't like you.
I laugh out loud but cringe inside,
I act like I am alright but I'm not.
I am beside you but I am far away,
I sense your happiness but I don't feel for you.
I am a well hidden monster inside you.
My name is hypocrite and I make friends with everyone.
Don't lie by saying you arent his friend.
How can you find a well hidden monster?
Residing in a certain part of you,
rejoicing when everyone has fallen?

They prowl the streets,
straight off the bell.
They turn to each other for company,
they couldn't stand the chill at night.
They laugh out loud in between sessions,
they hide secrets which reveal silliness.
It is easy to get drawn in,
it is even easier to get ejected.
They welcome people with open arms,
yet behind their backs labelled a tag.
They are really nice people,
they are just too exclusive.
Though they deny vehemently,
their tags say otherwise.
Yet are we right to criticize?
Do we even know where we stand?
We downed Belgium Chocolate to celebrate,
"Welcome to the coffeehouse!"

I can only see the tags labelled upon peoples' backs,
I can't see what is behind my back.

That night, she flew into my room.

She arrived in her glorious white shade,
her steps warmed the tawny tiles.
A saccharine smile showed me the key,
to unlock the endless love which resided.

I remember that time when we danced,
amidst the alluring tunes her gaze caught me still.
She was never out of my sight,
she was beside me through the night.

Perhaps later on we will realise,
it was never the work of the tulips or the chocolates.
It was the temporary sparkle of nowhere,
that ignited the passion within us.

She continues to pace my life.
She never strays, she chases away the gray.
Yet sometimes how much I wish,
she enters my life long before the hurt arrives.

"Tick-tock, tick-tock", the footprints of yesterday creep past still.
Perhaps then it takes the death of a modern-Noah,
who possesses the ability to make time stalls,
and let us know the preciousness of that trickling second.

Time brushes past us like the wind don't stop,
it strips us off our forever and cloaks us in vulnerability.
It shoves us to the cliffedge of nature,
and exposes how ruthless life can, and will be.

Yet it is the only faithful reminder,
that never fails to gently unravel.
Our mere existence on this spheriod,
is actually fragile, temporary and precious.

And now cruelly the demiss of a great man,
suddenly rushes forth the bolt of consciousness.
It makes us realise how a sparkle sometimes,
burns so much more strongly than a flame.

It takes nothing more than a blade,
to end a possible lifetime of rhapsody.
Yet tears do not signify the end of a journey,
they hail the dawn of realisation due to a man.

Croc hunter forever!

When I was young,
fairytales taught me the story of forevermore.
Prince and princess would reside,
in palaces where abundance joy hide.

Yet as time trickled past,
the dawn of realisation had never been greater.
What stood out as a sweet childhood memory,
I could never envisage to be an apocrphal story.

You realise that forever is a well-contrived phony,
meant to tug children soundly in bed without agony.
It is built on the premises of promises,
yet it never lasts against the test of time.

Perhaps someone will come and teach me,
do I hold on to a lie or do I recline?
Is it still wrong to believe that an illusion,
will one day become my reality?

The sound of realisation,
it comes in cruel fashion.
It resides in a hidden cushion,
ridicules my faith in derision.

It awakes the deep sleeping fear,
and threatens to unravel its rear.
It pulls me by the ear,
and leaves me all alone with a tear.

Perhaps realisation came a bit too late.
Like the pie of relief that cannot be ate,
I hanker still for the key to the gate,
where demons dismiss at alarming rate.